Father Joseph Noonan, OFM
The Test of Love
Men and women are married each day somewhere in the world. This has been happening for thousands of years in all cultures and countries of the world. There is nothing new here. It is understood that men and women marry because they love each other. If there are any other motives, then it is likely the marriage will suffer or fail.
It is hoped that Catholic couples preparing for marriage approach the holy Sacrament in a manner which is pleasing to Almighty God. This is to be understood that God and the Catholic Faith come first. There can be no compromise when it comes to marriage.
The first test in marriage is the same as it is in life. How much do you love God? Are you willing to follow the laws of Church for the wedding? Are you willing to avoid all means of artificial birth control?
Then there is the question of properly raising a child. Are you committed to educating your child in the Catholic Faith? How willing are you to make the necessary sacrifices to give them the best Catholic education? Do you understand what it means to be an example of supernatural virtue to your child?
How many parents have the desire and goal of raising their child to be saints? This is perhaps the most important accomplishment of a parent. It must be noted that one has seen very little of this among Catholic parents. It is unfortunate that one must say this, but mediocrity will not make it possible to gain eternal salvation.
One’s love is tested during those days when you are busy raising a child, the father is working full-time, the mother is at home taking care of the children and busily keeping the house in order.
It is during those days when the “marital honeymoon” would seem to bring one down to earth to a more realistic world where one is called upon to work out one’s salvation through prayer and penance.
A true supernatural love will provide motivation to carry out one’s duties and responsibilities each day and during the most difficult times of one’s life. This is the difference between making use of the grace which is provided by God and rejecting any supernatural help to further one’s means of sanctification, especially in the married state.
So many marital problems take place because the desire to marry a certain person was not what it should be. Perhaps it was lust and not love. Perhaps it was wealth and not love. Perhaps it was societal status and not love. Unless there is a spiritual conversion and awakening, this marriage will be very difficult to say the least.
One of the most important things which should be done each day is to ask for the grace for God to bless the marriage and family. One suspects this is the cause of unnecessary troubles within married life. Both spouses should begin to pray for a happy and holy marriage before they marry. This should continue the day of the wedding and each day during married life. Only in this way will a couple have the greatest possible assurance of God’s blessings. This, indeed, is a test of how much one loves God.
The necessity of praying each day with a child cannot be overstated. If a child is taught to pray, and to love to pray, the probability of a child continuing to pray throughout his adult life greatly increases. When a child sees a parent praying, it will generally leave a lasting impression. If parents pray little or not at all, more than likely a child will not pray. Unless there is a spiritual conversion which takes place later in life, a child will quite likely leave the Church.
This necessary example is further seen with reception of the Sacraments. When a child witnesses his parents receiving the Sacraments, this goes a long way in encouraging a child to receive the Sacraments regularly, if not weekly. This writer has witnessed too many children who received their First Holy Communion at a young age only to see tragic neglect on the part of parents. The result is the older the child becomes, the less he receives the Sacraments with the probability he will leave the Church.
This underscores the importance of grace in the daily life of the child. It has a direct effect upon the child, his behavior, his decisions and often who he becomes. I believe Catholic parents do not understand this important point of the Faith, looking at the life of the child through a natural lens rather than a supernatural one.
There is nothing worse than a Catholic parent having a child baptized only to neglect the necessary guidance and example concerning the other Sacraments. The spiritual tragedy cannot be overstated because when one understands that a child is given to parents for a little while with the responsibility of raising them according to His Holy Will and they neglect this sacred duty, too often they are the cause of that child going to Hell. One is again reminded of the ongoing test of love of God which supersedes all other forms of love.
The questions of discipline and modesty are always present in the family environment. Some parents are attentive and responsible in these areas, others are not. These questions are a part of the bigger picture of forming a child to understand they are a temple of the Holy Ghost. The parents must instruct a child to understand how he must carry him (her) self in this world. There is a certain decorum by which a Catholic ought to carry him (her) self. This necessarily separates a Catholic adult from others who are not. This can easily be seen with a little observation.
Although a child wants to be like other children, he (she) must be taught there are going to be differences which are a part of being Catholic. This does not mean one looks down at non-Catholics. One should also understand a Catholic is better than others. This sin of pride will bring you down faster than you realize.
Catholics do have the advantage of access to grace more readily than others. A baptized Catholic is a member of the One True Church. The Sacraments are available to Catholics only. The prayer life of a Catholic ought to be more structured than others. These are points which parents ought to teach their child at an appropriate age.
The test of love of God and the family is at the core of why one marries and is willing to sacrifice him (her) self. If sacrifice is not a part of the daily life of a Catholic parent, their life will be miserable because of their selfishness.
As a parent, you may free yourself from the bonds of selfishness through a true supernatural love of God and a correct attitude of selflessness. Pray each day for this grace with desire to love God more and more each day.