Father Joseph Noonan, OFM
The Parental Cross
One wonders how many lives of Catholics would be significantly different if as children there was a real impression made upon them of the cross that each person is given and that it must be carried if there was any hope of salvation.
If one combines the necessity of carrying one’s cross with the love of God, it becomes the best understanding of how one must live each day. To carry one’s cross daily for the love of God and the have a desire to follow the vocation which God has called you to, tells one that this person is truly desiring to live God’s Holy Will daily.
The spiritual challenge for parents is to first understand what it means to live a Catholic married life. A second point would be the proper understanding of how to correctly raise children to be saintly Catholic adults. A third point would be for parents to know how to carry the cross as it has been given them. These three points make up the parental cross. How many Catholic parents understand and accept the challenge of these points?
There are many Catholic couples who strive to live a Catholic married life. The problem today is that there are too few who understand what this means. It is the blind leading the blind! The secularization of society and Catholic life have produced a situation where too often Catholic youth are no different than their non-Catholic friends. They are basically baptized pagans. A baptized pagan is a Catholic who was baptized but has received little or no Catholic education. They do not realize how little they know of the One True Faith.
Some are given a basic understanding of marriage, some are not. One has seen a majority (90%) of Catholic couples who at some time in their married life practice artificial birth control. One cannot claim to be a Catholic and live as a sinful pagan. The effect of this sinful behavior is a one or two child family.
The Catholic response to this sinful attitude is to remind the couple of their obligation to have children. The Church has never stated how many children a couple must have, but It has stated that the couple may not interfere with the marital act. Once again, this is largely ignored today.
One would think it is not necessary to remind Catholics that direct abortion is never allowed. This, unfortunately, is not the situation today. Selfishness and a lack of Catholic catechesis, along with a poor faith, have brought about far too many Catholics who live as pagans while believing they are good Catholics.
The parental cross is present each day. For those who recognize it, there is an opportunity to obtain great graces toward one’s salvation. It also allows one to experience supernatural joy during the most difficult or mundane tasks.
Examples of washing dishes or doing the laundry come to mind. One needs to ask an obvious question. How many take advantage of these mundane tasks and are able to supernaturalize these moments in time? Too often one believes that such opportunities are wasted. How many look at such tasks and think only of how boring these duties are?
One is reminded of how often illness is wasted. Too many are impatient with sickness and thus gain little or no merit from these opportunities.
How many parents delegate numerous chores around the home to children as soon as it is possible? Yes, it is true that children must learn responsibility. How often, though, are such duties given to children simply because the parents are bored of doing these things? For the parents, it is a wasted opportunity and a rejection of a small cross. I am fully aware that some parents believe this idea is ridiculous, but so are the many opportunities wasted by parents who in so many ways reject the small crosses presented to them.
Humans are creatures of habit. Habits begin to form from an early age. This is clearly understood and accepted. Habits, though, may be good or bad. No one objects to good habits, whether they are natural or supernatural. The problem is bad habits. Some bad habits can be overlooked if they do not have a serious effect upon others.
When parents take seriously bad habits into a marriage, one can expect problems of various degrees. In today’s world, alcoholism and drug addiction are two common examples of such problems. How is it possible for such a person to be responsible in the least? Will they have any knowledge of what it means to carry a parental cross? Probably not. Usually, such people are selfish and have little desire to think of others. The fact is people with these addictions should not marry.
How many Catholic parents are willing to accept the cross of properly educating their children in the Catholic Faith? If one is able to judge from the lives of Catholic youth, there are only a small percentage of parents who have an objective understanding of what this means. Since the so-called Catholic schools have long ago ceased to be Catholic, it is left to parents to teach the Faith.
How many parents know the Faith well enough to teach it? Ignorance of the Faith will not be an excuse when you stand before God. Catholic parents have an obligation to know the Faith and to teach their children. They are the First Educators of the children. They will answer to God first before all other educators. You will not be able to point a finger at priests or teachers for what they did not teach your children.
Beyond teaching the doctrine, who is willing to be an example of supernatural virtue? Because far too many Catholics are parochial in their thinking, they do not understand the need for virtue. It is, in fact, virtue which will sanctify the soul and make salvation possible. There have been many Catholics, clergy and laity alike, who knew the doctrine of the Faith well but gave little consideration for supernatural virtue.
Any Catholic parent who has taken the responsibilities of parenthood seriously, knows the cost of the cross. Who is willing to take up the parental cross daily and follow Our Lord? A parent should never think he does not have the grace to fulfill his duties. God will always provide the grace for the parent to carry out his duties and responsibilities.
Today Catholic parental responsibly comes down to the willingness and the courage to correctly raise their children. That may mean that a parent sacrifices his time and interests for the sake of the children. Spending time with one’s children does not mean this time is filled with worldly pursuits only. There needs to be a balance between teaching the Faith and recreational pursuits.
One is able to determine how a Catholic child was raised by observing the child’s priorities and behavior. If a parent gives little time for the child and the Faith, that child will probably be a poor adult Catholic. Do not expect a saintly child if the parents are mediocre Catholics.
Parents are called by God and their marital vocation to strive to raise the children to be saints. Be willing to accept the cross which God has given you in the way in which He has given it to you. With God’s grace and the willingness and courage of the parent, sanctity may blossom within the souls of the children which God has given you. Pray each day for this grace.