Father Joseph Noonan, OFM
Parental Leadership
When God created Adam and Eve it was understood quickly that God had put a man in charge of the family. Adam attempted to put the blame on Eve for the disobedience, but God told Adam that he was responsible for her actions.
Rational men and women have acknowledged this basic thought of marriage and family life. The man, the husband, the father is responsible for the family. God has so ordained this from the beginning.
No one can change this no matter the extent to which one may complain. There have been many women who have usurped the authority of their husbands. There have been many men who have given up their rightful authority. How many men have correctly understood this God-given authority and have striven to use it well?
Perhaps some need to understand that no one can change this authority, regardless of what she may think or have the desire to do. It is vital for men and women who are preparing for marriage to have a good understanding of this Divine decree.
Good-intentioned men strive to use this authority well. They will also work not to abuse the authority. In today’s world, the thought of abuse means different things to different men and women. If a man needs to be firm and strong, many will consider this an abuse, others will find it acceptable and necessary.
In recent years, feminism has created numberless problems between couples. Some couples wrongly believe they share equal authority. They do not. The authority lies with the husband. The wife has delegated authority. There are many today who reject this idea. This is not simply one’s opinion. God has designed and structured this authority.
God is a God of order. He wills there to be right or correct order in the marriage and family. Disorder is chaos. God does not will chaos. He cannot do this or allow it. Families which maintain order are at peace within the family. They understand their roles and positions and readily accept them.
Rebellion is an effect of disorder. Man has fought rebellion since the Fall of Adam. It would seem that most couples have accepted the order established by God. It is a situation of “for better or for worse” according to how a man uses or abuses this authority. It may also be how the wife accepts or rejects his authority.
The basic principles of marital authority are understood to various degrees by married couples. There is a need for formal education to better understand these principles. Catholic couples preparing for marriage should be given a good, detailed explanation by a priest. The lack of preparation in this regard may bring unwanted problems and upset the peace in the home.
There seems to be a different understanding of this topic among non-Catholic couples. There are points which come as a result of Natural Law. The extent of their knowledge is not known, but it does seem to be different.
This writer has been in many homes, and I have seen both sides of this topic. One is able to see quickly whether there is order in the family or not. Does each member have duties which they carry out each day? What is the general condition of the home? Is there a respectful environment, especially regarding the parents? How do the spouses get along with each other?
These questions are not meant to imply that one expects perfection. One does hope for an order which is both calm and respectful. This probably is one of more important underlying points to be made. Is there an awareness of the necessary right order and a desire to do one’s best in living each day? If these ideas are taught or instilled in each family member and they understand the expectations of their person and position, one may expect relative peace and order in the family home.
Since this topic centers around leadership, one’s thoughts need to now focus on the husband and father. Some men are natural leaders, others are not. Some have the personality to lead; others struggle with such a position.
How many men who plan to marry consider praying to Saint Joseph for the grace to be a good husband and father. One should never assume God will bless you and your family without prayer and intercession. I wonder how Catholic men believe they are fully capable of being a good husband and father without daily prayer.
How many men don’t consider praying with their spouses until a child is born? Have you ever considered the necessity of leading the family in prayer? How many men lead the rosary each day? This type of leadership is extraordinarily important. It conveys a message to your wife and children that prayer is necessary, and one must look to God for grace and assistance.
In any marriage there will be many crosses. The only proper approach is to pray constantly. It has been seen with Catholic marriages that prayer does overcome many difficult situations. The key is the supernatural faith to believe that humble prayer will provide the answer to marital / family problems.
From a pastoral perspective, too often couples wait beyond the time when problems can be easily solved. If a effort is made to repair the damage, it requires an effort which one or both are unwilling or unable to give.
If there was more of an effort at “preventative medicine”, i.e., regular daily prayer by both spouses, many of these problems would not occur or would be far less serious than what occurs.
A common problem today is the unwillingness of too many men who have no desire to lead. They are fine with following at a great distance with little or no motivation. Part of this problem stems from their home life, i.e., parents who did not teach a child how to lead. A preoccupation with technology in general and social media in particular, which includes video games, provides a constant distraction from those things which should be learned before leaving the parental home.
The lack of the necessary serious approach to marriage and selfishness are contributing factors in understanding the importance of parental leadership. Constant promotion of worldly pursuits may cause children to have a weak Catholic Faith. They concern themselves with the world and do not have the proper approach when raising children.
How many Catholic couples have in mind to raise their children to be saints? How many are concerned with true sanctity for themselves and their children? If one is satisfied with children who are no different than their pagan neighbors, you will in up with children who have no faith.
Parents are the most powerful people in the world. They can determine the next generation of leaders in society and the world. Society finds it easy to complain about national or world conditions. These same parents fail to realize how they may have contributed to the failures in the world.
Parents who are raising young children currently have the opportunity to change the direction of the world by leading and not following. Lead them to sanctity, not mediocrity. Your love for them is expressed in fulfilling God’s Will for them in life each day.